Thursday, March 25, 2004

what we do in life, echoes into eternity

first day in this next phase in life, surviving without someone else. someone dear. woke up early, at eight. for the first time, i missed having someone nag at me to wake, or to shower, or to eat breakfast. oh what would i give to be tortured like that again?
collected gu ma's ashes in the early afternoon. it's interesting noting that the ashes of a body after after cremation isn't in the cliched form of white fine power. rather it comes in bits and pieces of bones. so it went, we picked up the bones, or ashes whatever and placed them on a cloth. i was the ash-bearer and cousin yujuan (i only found out that it's yu and not yi after like 20 yrs....so much for being my god-sister!) was the umbrella bearer responsible for shielding gu ma from the harmful solar radiation....to spectres at least. then we went on to clifford pier, boarded a harbour launcher sort of boat and proceeded outsea. it was to be indeed a very very usual funeral arrangement. now here's the paradox, while granny's essentially and staunchly taoist and insistent on having buddhist chants recited by a nun before gu ma's cremation, at the same time she agreed to gu ma's final wish to have her remains scattered all over the sea - not exactly the most approved funeral arrangement by taoist standards. so we went to to somewhere bordering international waters where according to dad would allow the ebbing tides to bring the ashes into the south china sea. it was exactly a solemn occasion, on the contrary, there were jokes, laughter and even photo shots. i guess that was the way gu ma would have wanted it to be. the huge turnout yesterday and today which included ah chong who was visibily distraught (he even said that his own mom was more deserving to die than gu ma!) more than testified that this was to be more than the mourning of an individual, but the celebration of the end of a communal experience, beautiful memories with one special and impactful woman - 3rd Gu Ma. gone with the wind and tide she went. that was the way she wanted it to be, carefree, liberated, and certainly un-claustrophobic. we even joked that gu ma's now embarking on her world tour.
then after the whole shebang, went to bishan on ming guang's car and met up with xander and the dictators. team one seemed tired, team two in their usual slack, but motivated and quasi-pessimistic mode. found out that amoz was actually quite popular with the gals, mark was perceived to be dao and that shaun goh is absolutely socially indept. so much for the recconaissance reports by feng yao and kenneth kang. was glad to see one new sec 2 joining, cos he was the one i identified during the inter-class debates. he definitely has the potential. it's a question of his committment. then went dinner with xander and the seniors. for coffee then home.....sounds terribly routinal....maybe this should be called a routine order and not blog...aggggrrzzz.... still got 2 more hours to chelsea vs arsenal.....and 5 1/2 hrs to booking in for duty.......2 days of compassionate leave over....army has subsumed my life....but it can't be subsumed any longer, unless of course PAS wins a 2/3 majority after another recount and wages war on singapore, or taiwan goes into a civil war and china intervenes, with americans joining in the fight....maybe that would make them extend my NS. 79 more days and still counting.

ord loh.

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