the best way to teach responsibility is to give responsibility

so after weeks of forsaking my liberty over the weekends to my new recruits, here i am, blogging away. camp life is now far more interesting, dynamic and certainly busy since the recruits enlisted into bravo coy 3 weeks ago. as part of the men, i never had the benefit (or rather burden) of viewing a company's efficacy from a commander's perspective. well now i do. it is only now that i truly appreciate the difficulty of delegating duties, and perpetually showing (or trying to ) project an image as a trustworthy and efficient commander. so far so good, platoon 4 are really a pretty united bunch of mofos. they may not be the fittest lot, but their determination and bond really make me proud of them. this batch are really an interesting lot: one fellow dislocated his arm while sleeping, another one who's called bing chen can't even tie his shoelaces and shat on his bed cos he was too afraid to go to the toilet alone at night! then there's this plt 4 guy called marcus who is severly flat footed and could hardly walk at times. it was during one of these times when i was DS that this marcus guy found himself unable to walk. so out of exasperation more than sympathy, i piggy backed him back from the cookhouse only to be cheered by the platoon with a resounding 'Thank u CPL!' now that was one defining moment, when u realise the nobility of our tasks. to me, NS is more than just to protect our nation from aggressors. it is in fact the ultimate social engineering mechanism that shapes the positive collective psyche of our male citizens. through NS, the pai kias make a clean break from their dubious backgrounds and ORD as socially responsible (most at least) citizens. through NS, cheesy as it sounds, but we gain great self-confidence through the constant pushing of ourselves beyond previously perceived physical and mental thresholds. it is a crucible where the rich, poor, various races to be cooked in a baptism of fire, only to be purified, as matured, responisble adults. The joy of spending time with these fresh soldiers and teaching them the right attitude towards army and life in general, really vindicates my decision not to chose to post out of bravo just to ensure that i would stay out on time everyday. i really can't bear to imagine myself being a clerk at S1 branch.....
Friday was a rather harrowing day. i was at the medical centre bring the chao kengs (at least most of them) to report sick. the tranquility of the cool air conditioning was broken by the wailing of the sirens of an ambulance. one guy from Singapore Technologies was ran over by a 3 tonner while servicing it. it was a really sorry sight to say the least, there was blood on his face and it was very bruised. it was probably the 1st time i saw the SMC medics rushing so fast, attending to the unconscious casualty shouting in mandarin 'Uncle uncle! wake up!' even the SMC bitch went to help as well. they stripped him naked and placed some life saving equipment on him and evacuated him to CGH. i later learnt that he was already not breathing at SMC and he eventually passed away. i can't help but to feel a great sense of grief and sorrow. perhaps out of sympathy, but perhaps more deeply at the transcience of life and its unpredictability. it was a little different from the bendemeer bus stop accident aftermath that i saw several years ago which traumatised me even more. i felt just sympathy then. it was perhaps the fact that gu ma is terminally ill, that's why seeing the eventuality for every single person of us really rattles me a little. have i done enough to care for my aunt? have i tried to hear her out? would i miss her constant nagging? or am i just a cold, callous bastard? i've never felt this strongly disturbed about my personal life for a considerable time. family, it is the building block of the nation, and perhaps even NS, may serve to strengthen the blood bond. after all, i never felt more homesick in my entire life until i enlisted. she's might be going to a hospice pretty soon so i might not get to talk to her, comfort her as often as i might hope. i really wish that i can look back at all this and say with a clear conscience, that i had done enough, but that might well not be the desired eventuality.