NO LOOKING BACK

it's been a long long time since i last blogged. many things happened. first was how the last xmas eve was perhaps the most boring one i ever spent. next was the atypical xmas night where me sow chen, xander and ks ended up exploring 'haunted' houses in sixth avenue and cluny road. well i guess this sort of compensates for the lack of excitment on xmas eve. then was the accident xander gotten himself into when a motorcyclist collided into him while he was negotiating a 'less-than-legitimate' u-turn...shan't elaborate on that. what really was the defining event in recents weeks was perhaps the world universities debating championships 2004 that was held in ntu between 28 dec to 2 jan. having missed world schools the last time round, i was really fortunate to be able to catch worlds this time round.....and i really have p.o.s to thank for that....guess this kinda vindicates him doesn't it? watched almost every round except the first 3 preliminary rounds - for a good reason. I FINALLY ENDED MY PROCRASTINATION and submitted my UCAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! albeit a mere 10 odd days before the deadline. so if any of the british airport crew decides to go on strike or should al qaeda strikes again on some courier flight carrying my application, i might well end up getting a gap year.......now that's what i call optimism!! so anyway, the level of argumentation was TOTALLY out of this world......to me at least. see that's the thing about singapore, at jc levels, when u are only exposed to the singaporean circuit, u outlook towards argumentation is contrained within the singaporean context. that structure is the most important thing, or any arguments without examples to substantiate is a bad argument cos it is an assertion. not that singaporeans fared badly in worlds, on the contrary, the 2003 top speaker of the tabs was a singaporean called tan wu meng, and this time round, the SIM team were the fairy tale of the tournament by not only making the breaks (a great feat for an asian team in itself), but also creating history by being the first asian team to make it to the grand final! these guys were former ntu debaters and veterans in debating as well. there's certainly much more to debating than just winning. it's the passion and the process in which you learnt through defeat, through victory and never to succumb to stereotypes or low-self expectations. i once lamented about my lack of ambition, lack of interest in life and the dragery of the continuation of this aimless existance. not any more. the lack of concrete aims now should by no means deter me from setting higher expectations myself. i may have faltered once, i may have waned and wallowed in this self-judgement and self-pity. i may have let negativity be my companion for the last 4 years of my life. i may have semi-convinced myself that i was consigned to a life of under-achievement and a ne'r-do-well. that was junyi of 2003 and before. i always liked the idea of detaching an individual from his past or future, meaning everyone is philosophically speaking, leading a different 'life' at different time if u should consider that the same individual in another time-space (aka another day, year, hour watever) as an inextricably linked but somewhat seperate entity. anyway, I WILL NOT LET THE JUNYIs of the yesteryears pull back me who is typing this right now and beyond from demanding greating things. I AM GOOD. I AM TALENTED. while self-imposed humility and more crucially perhaps low self-esteem stemming from misguided value-system based on academic achievements (WAT THE HELL!) has detered me from acknowledging my capacity for success. i will not allow this to happen. which is why i am so desperate to pen my thoughts now in a cybercafe and not go home. success is a relative measure, just like any other arbitrarily set yardstick that we measure our self-worth against (eg O level results). hence, like all good opening government speaker, it is imperative to set the criteria for this. to me, success would be not to screw up my university like i did in the past. by that, NOTHING SHORT OF HONOURS! I will be there in Malaysia for Worlds next year. I know i would. And i MUST make the BREAKS! I have a year to get all that in shape, and i know that i can. I will rediscover the sense of invincibility and determination that i so so so so sorely missed. I WILL SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!!! but before all this, though not mutually exlcusive, perhaps it is best that it runs concurrently, i REALLY gotta lose some, no MUCH weight. AI BIA JIA EH YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!