percepting perception

i am appeased. just a couple of days ago i was kao-beh-ing about SBS transit's plan to change the 103 route so that commuters will maximise the usage of the NEL. yet now, 4 days after the change, i have finally adapted to it and quite frankly it is in fact more convenient. lesson? first impressions can be wrong. before tonight, i toyed with the idea of rejecting aboluteism. i thought (although i may not practise it) that the world is made up of a myriad of perceptions each individual has towards the world. moral qualms, value-systems are but a device created by the group of individuals who has the greatest numbers or the sheer power in an attempt to force their will and ideologies on everyone else. it is therefore my belief that everyone has the right, to think, to speech, to do anything even at the expense of violating others rights (if they are capable of that), and those on the receiving end too has every right and justification to do the same to anyone else. it is a near-anarchist ideology, with ability to exact superseding the justification to exact. after all, the moral codes and value-systems aren't 'truth' in the first place, they are but rules set up by the people who dictate the game, or rather the world. should the people who set such rules a long long time ago had thought that incest is okay and paedophalia is applaudable, we the blind follwers of this 'moral code' would probably be practising the above mentioned nochalently. i sort of rejected in the notion of truth, believing that anyone who can impress his perception on issues on majority of the world, what he says becomes the truth (so for example, if hitler could convince the allies, and everyone else in the world that genocide is correct and that he has the means to carry out this, then the whole human race could collectively deem the jews as an affliction and that they deserved to die by this new collective 'moral paradigm'.) nothing then really matters, except what you perceive. cos the world means differently to every different person. the pope may be a nice guy, but if i perceive of him to be a closet paedophile despite having overwhelming evidence that points against this, it doesn't matter who he really is, but just what i think of it. in short, sheer bigotry rules, objectivity out of the window. yet apparantly the who idea of having perception dominate objectivity is totally contradictory to the doctrine that justifies the reason to be perceptive in the first place cos it is in fact that there are different sides to any issues that it is neccessary to weigh it up first.....i've indeed lost it as a debater..... so anyway, having gone through all these spontaneously typed nonsense which probably don't make sense to anyone from their perspective or even the perceptive of me in the future (that's another whole stupid idea for some other time) , the point is that i was probably wrong about sarah aka former crush of bq, present crush of kurt, closest fren of murali and formerly known as bitch in the world perceived by me. at around 2200 yesterday, the thrashing out session between sarah, murali, kurt, bq and surprisingly me commenced. i'm too lazy to relate everything so let's just say it's about backstabbing, two-heading (as in two-headed snake), rumour-mongering and pain from an unreciprocated heart. i attended the session, in a confrontational mode, wanting to give sarah the-then bitch-to-my-perception a 1 x jialat jialat scolding. that was my perception then, it disregarded firstly her perception, and that how bq, murali, kurt and others' perception may have inaccurately shaped my perception, how my first impression may have been wrongly perceived and the possible existence of a simple truth to the entire fracas. well we talked, she explained and somehow i had a revelation that perhaps, no in fact, i had made a pre-judgement on her, much as i hated to pre-judge others. whether she is a bitch or not, it is not up to me to label her with that given our shallow acquaitanceship and how that hasty pre-judgement was largely based on 3rd party accounts on what happened when i wasn't around to witness that. i had become the bitch myself, bitching so much about everyone else. just look at the blog entries below, and see how much i bitched about 2lt piece of shit....and to be fair to 2lt p.o.s, he may have a quasi-justifiable reason to do whatever he did on me....... fuck. i may have made everything seem reasonable, resolved the misunderstandings between kurt, murali, bq and sarah. but to sarah, i gave a largely, hate-me-if-you-want, i-dun-care-how-u-feel-but-that-is-what-i-think-of-you attitude in response to the alleged rumour-mongering. i even sort of smoked out on a techinicality saying that discussing her personality only with people that had met her before and who echo similar pre-judgements about her in the first place isn't considered rumour-mongering......there has to be a truth to everything, or a least this issue. i made have smooth talked it out and made it sound so reasonable....but i dun think i could live with it. calling someone names, making quasi-substatiated comments on one's personality regardless of not-wanting her to know about it in the first place, is truly morally (notice i used this word), and even by the standards of my perception, abhorable. i apologised. i dun think it was actually a pacifist gesture, although i'm still largely ambivalent as to why i'm eating my words now.....there has to be the existence of a conscience that's common to all people...well non-psychosis patients that is. and that is eating on me. i had been so foolish. i could have lived my life knowing that i told a girl smack in her face that i told vicious stuff about her and indirectly questioned her 'so what', but how would that feel? i've always prided myself about my keeness to explore the redeeming factors in frens and ppl whom i had formerly disliked such as li qinlong, ah beng whom eventually became pretty good frens in camp. yet this time round, i failed my own litmus test on the consistensy of my paradigm. dun think i felt this disgusted by myself in quite a while....sort of a present me hating past me sort of shit. oh what the hell, confucius probably sums up the concept and standards for morality in possibly the least ambiguous way, dispelling (maybe not to that extent, but reducing instead) the need for individual perception. ji2 suo3 bu2 yu4, wu4 shi2 yu2 ren2 : Do not do to others what you do not wish to happen on yourself