blog-off

woah, it appears that the toilet-gate controversy is far from over. the cyber feud has certainly went well beyond the realms of the blogosphere, and the flames have started to burn the pockets of individual involved. there appears to be an increasing incidence of blog-feuds in the singaporean blogosphere nowadays, ranging from the comments board heckling, to the ephraim-esque mass barrage, and even to police reports made against racist bloggers. it probably wouldn't be too long before we see the first blog-fuelled civil suit. for all we know, it might well have happened already.



anyway, as with any sorts of communities, be it an hip-hop circuti, a pugillist fraternity yada yada, there're rules governing how feuds are to be resolved. In war time, guidelines which govern the conduct of warfare between combatants are spelt out in the Rules of Engagement (ROE) or Law Of Armed Conflict (LOAC) as any lecture-weary NSF can tell u.



In the pugilist fraternity in ancient china or 武林 , there're also informal rules governing what can or cannot be done in a duel. For example, in a swords duel, the use of hidden darts(暗器), or poison is considered unhonourable and any party who employs such despicable tactics will be chastised by the entire 武林, and will forever be deemed a 江湖败类 and end up getting his/her ass kicked by the 6 biggest sects or forever be incarcerated in a dungeon built beneath the West Lake in China.

these rules/agreements are set not for the sole purpose of ensuring equity between the feuding parties. more importantly, it's the premise for a fair fight to the metaphoric or literal death, depending on the level of ur animosity. with all the nitty gritty in place, a stage is set for feuds to be resolved in the most spectacular ways. confrontation is in our blood. and making the whole process a spectacle just compounds the fun.

a feud-resolving duels can come in a various permutations limited only by the imagination the parties involved. it can range from a death-flirting a gum-tape death match to settle who's the fastest driver on Mt Akina, to a circle jerk competition where first guy to ejaculate has to give up the girl in a love triangle...

it can even be a simple case of a 'Walk-Off' betwenmodels, like what happened between Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in this scene from the Zoolander.


or it could be like a 'Whore-Off' between Mr Slave and Paris Hilton in South Park by doing this.



are prolly a gazillion different ways for a duel in a gazillion different context. and in light of the increasing feuding antagonism in our blogosphere, here's my little contribution in advancing the utopian ideal of attaining blogospheric peace. instead of the usual uncontrolled mudslinging and 'extra-blogicia' methods employed to drive one's point across, feuding bloggers could challenge each other to not a 'walk-off', nor a 'whore-off', but a 'BLOG-OFF'.

So here's how a blog-off works: somewhere along the line, someone makes a statement on his/her blog and someone else takes offensive to it and a tada! a 'beef' occurs. to resolve the beef, the offended party will then throw the gauntlet and challenge the other party to a 'blog-off'.

then it would be up to the parties involved to decide what methology for a blog-off which they wanna apply. it could be a case of simply delivering, responding with arguments posted on his/ her blog, daring each other to post revealing photos until one party chickens out, or posting photos to compare genitalia size so on and so forth.

then the blog-off shall continue for a stipulated time period. and within this time period, the yardstick for determining the victor of the blog-off will determined by comparing the number of trackbacks posted to their blogs from other blogders. needless to say, the one with the greater number wins. As with most swords/guns duels, it's fun only becos' there's something at stake, then depending on the level of animosity, it would be up to the bloggers involved to decided what the stakes are, if the hatred is not that great, maybe it could be an agreement for the loser to restrain from blogging for a certain period of time, or if there's really deeply entrenched hatred, they might wanna make it such that the loser will delete off his/her blog. the latter case would be the cyber equivalent of a real-life death match and probably shouldn't be taken lightly and should only be reserved for really deep-seated animosities.

and of course, in the event it is a matter of one vs the whole blogosphere, it is then up to the plural side to decided which a blogger from their camp would represent them in the subsequent blog-off. this selection of candidate would be conducted in a way similar to the 'primary elections' and bloggers who identify themselves with this camp will vote on their preferred via trackbacks until one representative emerges. yet it is rather plausible that this in itself might actually lead to even more mudslinging since real life primaries can be pretty ugly too.

then it should be a code of honour that all controversy should end together with the conclusion of the blog-off. no more mudslinging, and the whole blogosphere shall return into the universal embrace as one happy family.

so there you have it. a more systematic way of resolving beefs. the next time u see any blogger buay song, you'll know what to do.remember, be a lover, not a hater.