1st ORD anniversary / he who is without pubic hair
timeless mantra from the SAF:
'i just wanna lead an ORDdinary life'
'Sergeant: Oei recruit! How do u spell record?!
Recruit: R-E-C....'
Sergeant: THAT'S YOU!
Recruit: ...O-R-D
Sergeant: That's for me! (whahahaha *evil grin*)'
emancipation one year on - a year since my ORD. 12th of June 2004. 120604. it's not a difficult date to remember consider 1206 is perhaps one of the most eternalised jargon in the SAF culture (it is the name of the form u sign when u pay for stores which u've either lost or damaged when u're in the SAF).
when one's in the army, these 3 letters, an O, a R and a D is the biggest thing that dominates the collective psyche of every NSF soldier. (not to mention a huge source of parody too: ORD= Officers R Dickheads, Orgy Ravished Dick, Only Recruits Don't, Orgasmic Release Day...) it's the ultimate goal, that sacrosanct 3 lettered abbreviation synonymous to liberation, to civility, to the end of persecution. yet strangely, this time a year ago, joy wasn't exactly the only thing weighing on my mind then. there was a slight sense of loss, of nostagia, and ambivalence. for the first time in 2 and a half years, no one's gonna plan out your itinerary of the day, no more routine orders, no one to tell u what to do, or not to do. this long awaited 'freedom', or so we thought was never truly something that we're bestowed upon. rather quite simply, it's just a return to the status-quo before enlistment. and when his reality hit upon u, the joy is pretty much diminished. we're to some extent domesticated to accept this relinquishment of freedom, just as how a runaway pet will eventually return to the familiar though constrainted embrace of his owner's home. it is for this reason, that there are many who choose to sign on as a regular after ORD.
this sense of loss and nostalgia is compounded by the fact that a part of you will be left behind, the people whom you share this collective persecution together, those whom u call ur brothers. much as u promise to keep in contact with one another, u just know deep down that 'a promise to keep in contact' is nothing more than a euphemism highlighting the fact that we'll all be aheading in our own way. this is especially so since my reservist call-ups will in most likelihood be off-sync with the rest of the coy.
for some reason, i seem to remember the people more than the experiences during army.
one of those who really stand out is PTE Aylwin. yes, it's spelt A-y-l-w-i-n and pronounced as 'Aw-win'. when enquired about why he's called Aylwin and not Alywin or Alwin his classic reply was a vindictive 'Dei! my mother give me my name dah. are u saying that my mother is uneducated??!'. Aylwin is the favourite son of Bravo Coy, almost a legend with the many amazing annecdotes he's in. He's known by many names,
'Kun-Ji Mai-Ri E-leh' (tamil for: 'he who is without pubic hair'), and 'Dopu-leh E-leh' (tamil for: 'he who is without a belly button'). and the best thing is, both are absolute accurate descriptions of his physical attributes and not random taunts - he admitted to shaving his pubes after being caught by the toilet cleaners who were pissed off at having to clean up the hair that was blocking the drainage hole and he has an artifically reconstructed belly button after an accident in army .
but what really made him famous through out the company was his antics on the first day of his enlistment. according to all the guys who were from ptp platoon 1 during the mono intake for Bravo coy, on the first night of ptp, aylwin was making funny noises and his bed was shaking and creeking. when chong (aylwin's buddy) asked him what the fuck he was doing, aylwin responded with a curt 'shuddup lah' and continued with his deed. the next morning, during an informal bunk inspection (since it was after all the 2nd day only), the sect com found a couple of stains on aylwin's bed and on his blanket. with a raised eyebrow, the sarge asked aylwin what the hell did he do and whether he was wanking. aylwin denied it initially. unsatisfied or perhaps intrigued, the sect com went on to conduct stand-by-bed inspection for aylwin's bunk during every morning till the end of ptp with extra emphasis on aylwin's bed. now that really pissed off the entire bunk, and only after some intense probing (and i suspected that they tickled him since after that the PTP1 guys in almond platoon always loved to hold aylwin down and tickle him whenever they suspected him of lying), did aylwin admit to his self-loving gesture....
initially, aylwin's bold deeds was only known to PTP platoon 1. whenever ppl made fun of his self-loving gesture, aylwin would respond with 'Dei! can u don't talk about it or not?' and when the persistent suan-ing really rattles him, he'll say 'I tell you ONE TIME TWO TIME NOT ENOUGH ISSIT'. what really established him as the most horny bastard in bravo coy was a song that was wrote by jessel, bravo's resident mat rocker that was decidicated in honour of aylwin and performed during the OC evening.
This is how the song went, complete with the musical notes:
The Aylwin Song
I tell you...
1 2 3
One time two time, one time two time, one time two time ...
4 4 1 1 4 4 1 1 4 4 1 1 4
(read out: Dei! CAN YOU NOT TALK ABOUT IT OR NOT!)
There was a man. His Name is Aylwin
1 2 3 4 4 4 6 (1)(1)
And He is from Platoon One
(1) (2) (2) (2) (1) 6 (1)
He loves to, wank on his bed
6 5 4 6 5 5 4
He just loves to masturbate
4 4 4 4 2 4 4
On enlistment day, first day of P-T-P
(2) (2)(2)(2) (1) (1) 6 4 5 5 66
Aylwin was there, masturbating
(2)(2) (2) (2) (3)(4) (3) 6
And when we ask him what was his fantasy
6 (2) (2) (2) (2) (1) 6 4 5 5 66
He said it was his 'Tan-ge-chi'
5 4 4 4 4 6 5 4 4
(repeat 'I tell u....' x1 )
PS: Brackets mean higher octave eg. (1) = Do 1 octave higher
'Tangechi' means younger sister in Tamil.
While masturbation in camp is technically a chargeable offence in SAF, i seriously think no one has ever been officially charged with this, for the simple reason it's probably just gonna embarrass the unit big time. just imagine if aylwin was sent to the detention barracks with the follow conversation happened:
Detainee A: Oei, why u kenna DB?
Detainee B: I AWOLed.
Detainee A: Or...I come in cos' i whacked the living daylights outta my PC
Detainee B: Wah, damn hiong
Detainee A (to Aylwin): Then u leh, why u kenna DB?
Aylwin: ...becos' i masturbated in camp...
Detainee A&B: ............
it is prolly for this reason that the OC just laughed along of everyone else...and fortunately for Aylwin, he was spared the dubious honour of being the first to be charged for masturbating in camp. The song became such a hit that we even sang it during our 2nd year's 24k route march after we turned operational. yet unfortunately, Aylwin wasn't there to march and perhaps sing it along with us, cos' he was downgraded for his belly button injury, which is another epic in itself for another day.
almond platoon, claymore 03 @ kanchanaburi, thailand. bravo ginna pah buay toh!!!
'i just wanna lead an ORDdinary life'
'Sergeant: Oei recruit! How do u spell record?!
Recruit: R-E-C....'
Sergeant: THAT'S YOU!
Recruit: ...O-R-D
Sergeant: That's for me! (whahahaha *evil grin*)'
emancipation one year on - a year since my ORD. 12th of June 2004. 120604. it's not a difficult date to remember consider 1206 is perhaps one of the most eternalised jargon in the SAF culture (it is the name of the form u sign when u pay for stores which u've either lost or damaged when u're in the SAF).
when one's in the army, these 3 letters, an O, a R and a D is the biggest thing that dominates the collective psyche of every NSF soldier. (not to mention a huge source of parody too: ORD= Officers R Dickheads, Orgy Ravished Dick, Only Recruits Don't, Orgasmic Release Day...) it's the ultimate goal, that sacrosanct 3 lettered abbreviation synonymous to liberation, to civility, to the end of persecution. yet strangely, this time a year ago, joy wasn't exactly the only thing weighing on my mind then. there was a slight sense of loss, of nostagia, and ambivalence. for the first time in 2 and a half years, no one's gonna plan out your itinerary of the day, no more routine orders, no one to tell u what to do, or not to do. this long awaited 'freedom', or so we thought was never truly something that we're bestowed upon. rather quite simply, it's just a return to the status-quo before enlistment. and when his reality hit upon u, the joy is pretty much diminished. we're to some extent domesticated to accept this relinquishment of freedom, just as how a runaway pet will eventually return to the familiar though constrainted embrace of his owner's home. it is for this reason, that there are many who choose to sign on as a regular after ORD.
this sense of loss and nostalgia is compounded by the fact that a part of you will be left behind, the people whom you share this collective persecution together, those whom u call ur brothers. much as u promise to keep in contact with one another, u just know deep down that 'a promise to keep in contact' is nothing more than a euphemism highlighting the fact that we'll all be aheading in our own way. this is especially so since my reservist call-ups will in most likelihood be off-sync with the rest of the coy.
for some reason, i seem to remember the people more than the experiences during army.
one of those who really stand out is PTE Aylwin. yes, it's spelt A-y-l-w-i-n and pronounced as 'Aw-win'. when enquired about why he's called Aylwin and not Alywin or Alwin his classic reply was a vindictive 'Dei! my mother give me my name dah. are u saying that my mother is uneducated??!'. Aylwin is the favourite son of Bravo Coy, almost a legend with the many amazing annecdotes he's in. He's known by many names,
'Kun-Ji Mai-Ri E-leh' (tamil for: 'he who is without pubic hair'), and 'Dopu-leh E-leh' (tamil for: 'he who is without a belly button'). and the best thing is, both are absolute accurate descriptions of his physical attributes and not random taunts - he admitted to shaving his pubes after being caught by the toilet cleaners who were pissed off at having to clean up the hair that was blocking the drainage hole and he has an artifically reconstructed belly button after an accident in army .
but what really made him famous through out the company was his antics on the first day of his enlistment. according to all the guys who were from ptp platoon 1 during the mono intake for Bravo coy, on the first night of ptp, aylwin was making funny noises and his bed was shaking and creeking. when chong (aylwin's buddy) asked him what the fuck he was doing, aylwin responded with a curt 'shuddup lah' and continued with his deed. the next morning, during an informal bunk inspection (since it was after all the 2nd day only), the sect com found a couple of stains on aylwin's bed and on his blanket. with a raised eyebrow, the sarge asked aylwin what the hell did he do and whether he was wanking. aylwin denied it initially. unsatisfied or perhaps intrigued, the sect com went on to conduct stand-by-bed inspection for aylwin's bunk during every morning till the end of ptp with extra emphasis on aylwin's bed. now that really pissed off the entire bunk, and only after some intense probing (and i suspected that they tickled him since after that the PTP1 guys in almond platoon always loved to hold aylwin down and tickle him whenever they suspected him of lying), did aylwin admit to his self-loving gesture....
initially, aylwin's bold deeds was only known to PTP platoon 1. whenever ppl made fun of his self-loving gesture, aylwin would respond with 'Dei! can u don't talk about it or not?' and when the persistent suan-ing really rattles him, he'll say 'I tell you ONE TIME TWO TIME NOT ENOUGH ISSIT'. what really established him as the most horny bastard in bravo coy was a song that was wrote by jessel, bravo's resident mat rocker that was decidicated in honour of aylwin and performed during the OC evening.
This is how the song went, complete with the musical notes:
The Aylwin Song
I tell you...
1 2 3
One time two time, one time two time, one time two time ...
4 4 1 1 4 4 1 1 4 4 1 1 4
(read out: Dei! CAN YOU NOT TALK ABOUT IT OR NOT!)
There was a man. His Name is Aylwin
1 2 3 4 4 4 6 (1)(1)
And He is from Platoon One
(1) (2) (2) (2) (1) 6 (1)
He loves to, wank on his bed
6 5 4 6 5 5 4
He just loves to masturbate
4 4 4 4 2 4 4
On enlistment day, first day of P-T-P
(2) (2)(2)(2) (1) (1) 6 4 5 5 66
Aylwin was there, masturbating
(2)(2) (2) (2) (3)(4) (3) 6
And when we ask him what was his fantasy
6 (2) (2) (2) (2) (1) 6 4 5 5 66
He said it was his 'Tan-ge-chi'
5 4 4 4 4 6 5 4 4
(repeat 'I tell u....' x1 )
PS: Brackets mean higher octave eg. (1) = Do 1 octave higher
'Tangechi' means younger sister in Tamil.
While masturbation in camp is technically a chargeable offence in SAF, i seriously think no one has ever been officially charged with this, for the simple reason it's probably just gonna embarrass the unit big time. just imagine if aylwin was sent to the detention barracks with the follow conversation happened:
Detainee A: Oei, why u kenna DB?
Detainee B: I AWOLed.
Detainee A: Or...I come in cos' i whacked the living daylights outta my PC
Detainee B: Wah, damn hiong
Detainee A (to Aylwin): Then u leh, why u kenna DB?
Aylwin: ...becos' i masturbated in camp...
Detainee A&B: ............
it is prolly for this reason that the OC just laughed along of everyone else...and fortunately for Aylwin, he was spared the dubious honour of being the first to be charged for masturbating in camp. The song became such a hit that we even sang it during our 2nd year's 24k route march after we turned operational. yet unfortunately, Aylwin wasn't there to march and perhaps sing it along with us, cos' he was downgraded for his belly button injury, which is another epic in itself for another day.
almond platoon, claymore 03 @ kanchanaburi, thailand. bravo ginna pah buay toh!!!
1 Comments:
Hey, this is keith here. Or rather sgt keith if you can remember me. My email is simkeith81@gmail.com. Can you please drop me an email and let me know who you are.
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