musical baton

in light of the recent events in the singapore blogsphere where reality and virtuality did cross paths (re: racist psc scholar & acidflask-gate), it is difficult not to resist some conspiracy theorising on the nature of this musical baton thingy as a somewhat insidious attempt by recording companies to luring bloggers into publically admitting that they have pirated music in their possession and then single a few out for legal action in an effort to coerce the entire cyber community into giving up illegal music downloading. this is probably worthy of a nethoax in itself, but oh well, with little miss drinkalot passing me the baton, how could i resist? so here it goes:

total volume of music files on my computer:
6.85GB

the last CD I bought was:

genius loves company : ray charles

song playing right now:

flower of carnage : meiko kajo - kill bill ost - it just strengthens my crush i have on oren-ishi

five songs I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me (or I just like):

tango theme from scene of a woman ost - a beautiful track from an even better movie

california - phantom planet: california dreamin'...not the least when i'm still in this godforsaken corner of australia

ai dao chai chi tong (hokkien): huang yi ling - this has to be the most poetic hokkien song ever written

theme from the godfather : can't stop listening to it after my godfather trilogy marathon and that scolding i got from my dad over the phone the day before

you don't have to say you love me : dusty springfield - music education from nadia of american idol

am passing the baton to:

c (dun you just hate it when cds are so expensive in oz?)
missyjurisfiction (cheer up!)
syntaxfree (the indie music guru)

fuck the corporate world

to burn all apron strings

why is it that u are always the one to stand high upon the moral high ground delivering ur tirade of condescension upon me?

why is it that even when i try to rationalise against the tide of patronising opinion u have of me, i'm always deemed the sinner?

why is this such an asymmetrical relationship and that i'm always on the losing end?

why is it that every attempt by me to defend myself is unacceptable and would only subject myself to an endless barrage of pathetic attempts at emotional blackmailing that seek nothing more than a feeble attempt to make me guilty of myself?

and why is it that i'm always cowed into supressing my rage even when i dun try to defend myself, and allow u to drown me in ur judgement of me, wallowing in a the sense of indignity makes it even harder for me to swallow?

why am i always the one in the wrong?

let's just face it, the basis of our relationship is nothing more than a vested interest placed upon this intagible social contract which the rest of the world dub so idealistically as 'trust' or 'love'. i owe my sustenance to u and u in turn invest this sustenance in me with the hope of nothing more than a form of social security for youself. that is what it is.

even the fact of u giving me life does not arrogate yourself to be in a position to pass ur judgments on me, nor does it give u the divine right to use ur self-perceived sacrosanct position to impose your will upon me. i'm nothing more than a byproduct of an act of leisure the two of u partook in. there is no justification for u to preside over my entire existence on that basis of that. if there's anything that i could possibly learn from u, it is that the two of u served as the perfect negative demonstration of what i should never turn out to be. and at least on that count alone, i owe u my gratitude.

i never wanted anything more from u other than to fucking treat me as a matured individual. even when u asked me what i wanted for my 21st birthday, and i told u, all i wanted is a little more respect from you. but no! u always grudgingly gave things to me, like a bait to a fish, only to have it embellished with a layers of rhetoric in an elaborate emotional blackmail and revel in the gratification you have in the knowledge of the hold u have on me. a posession. an asset. one which u probably don't realise that is self-aware.

since i was sixteen, i am resigned to the fact that i'm nothing more than an investment, an asset to u. something for u to flaunt. and when it appears that this asset failed to bring u the returns which u expected, it is deemed a source of embarrassment. well if u dun realise by now, that feeling is mutual.

and if the only basis of our relationship is that of expediency, and with all the twisted gratification u derieve from this manipulation u have over this depreciating asset, i would most gladly dedicate my self-destruction in your honour, as the loving response to what u hypocritically deem as love. it will be the self-fulfilling prophesy that u willed. only when u give up on this investment, can i be free. and with goodwill, i shall seek my way in the world and should i make a fortune, i promise i will deliver u a cheque for the outlay u spent on this failed investment, a final gesture to annull this ill-informed investment decision.

perhaps i really am the expedient bastard you wanted believe that i am, or that i'm the callous fucker, the pet who cared not to hid beyond the tokenistic display of emotional rhetoric but only barked as a gesture for the need for sustenance. perhaps u never really believed in anything i did.

for that, i shall dedicate my self-imposed exile to the nadir, as a gift to you. it was afterall, where u always believed i will be.

yours' most unfillially,

the son-you-never-had

a haiku from the uncool

It's been quite sometime
since i blogged. Exams, birthday -
preoccupied me.

Procrastination
Heralding impending doom
Goodbye, distinctions

An essay due soon
for philosophy. Topic -
'Taxation is theft'

A fag in my hand,
the only solace i have.
No time to waste now.

Yet i am still here
blogging away. Nothing's done.
Stupid lazy fool!

Essay's due next week
With Shawn and Ruth coming here
on thursday - I'm screwed.

***************************
(hokkien haikus)

Tak che sibeh sian
Tak liao mah si lia boh giu
Buay hiao zou maths..haiz

Hoon kee bo kao sio
Heng peng yu tua dutyfree
Winfield sibeh eh Gui

Exams ai lai liao,
Wah bo si kan ke tu liao
Ai bia, jia eh yah!