a glimpse into interpersonnel relations over one night at lao ban niangs
finally gathered enuf will to resist the force of the Procrastination Armed Forces to come back from my month long hiatus from blogging. went down to SRJC to watch the SRJC debate invitationals. Sadly, gong jiao only managed to secure one measly win outta the 3 rounds. then spent the evening drinking and watching soccer with a couple of friends in this somewhat anonymous bar behind the Dubliner which we endearingly refer to as Lao Ban Niang's. it's a pretty nice place to chill out, easy listening music, a projector screening soccer matches, affordable niche beers, pretty much a small but cosy place.
now, LBN is one the the favorite hangouts of this cirle of frens, which i shall term the marlboro gang. CQ, a good fren of mine used to bring his ex-gf DB down to LBN to meet up with the rest of the gang. DB is a pretty nice gal, kinda weird but generally accepted by the marlboro gang as a 'sister-in-law' at that point of time so as to speak. CQ and DB knew each other for a long long time, and been through alot together, and by that, it isn't just another cliche and i would dare say that they've been through a lot more than the conventional couple which i will be explaining later on. they knew each other since sec sch and were together for a while before they broke up when she left for oz for studies, but were still pretty much in contact and then patched up somewhere nearing the end of CQ's NS.
To describle DB is weird would somewhat be both an understatement and more pertinently a frivolous statement. she has medically certified depression. firstly, she suffers from low self esteem which is probably attributed to her unhappy experience at her secondary sch, an all gals sch where she was part of the lower academic stream and was subjected to quite alot of bullying. in addition, her low self-esteem somewhat manifested into anorexia during her uni years and it hit the roof when one of her best frens, a fellow bulimic died of anorexia. the worst blow came when DB became a most unfortunate victim of date rape during her 2nd year in uni in oz. it was something that she probably never walked out of as seen in the whole fracas during Bodyguard's (one of our fren) birthday last year where she downed a whole box of panadol and cried unconsolably. throughout all these, CQ stuck with her, visting her when she was warded for observation at the psychiatric ward, pandering to her constant need for reassurance of her being loved etc etc. in fact, CQ went as far as to communicate with her parents, just to make sure that her parents would not be worried about her, which will in turn compound the sense of guilt she perceives. with no other frens in singapore considering DB went over to oz after sec sch and her antagonistic relationship with her sec sch peers, DB depended entirely on CQ for emotional support. the relationship was strained when DB's insecurities heightened when CQ started his 1st yr in university shortly after he ORDed. DB grew increasingly possessive and unstable, and with the pressure CQ faces from sch, he eventually couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her.
well initially it was a somewhat amicable break up. until apparantly she started saying some rather negative things about CQ on her blog, and the coup de grace came when DB revealed to Bodyguard's gf (who in turned told Bodyguard who in turned told CQ) that she cheated on CQ while they were dating and slept with some guy when she went back to oz briefly. on top of that, DB started saying ridiculous things on her blog saying how she murdered her unborn child with CQ (which is highly questionable since CQ swore that he never ventured beyond heavy petting with DB) unknowingly when she downed the panadols and is wallowing over her guilt when she wasn't even pregnant in the first place. the general perception was that she was all out to slime him. they've not been on talking terms ever since. in fact, the entire marlboro gang hasn't been on talking terms with her, deleting her contact from msn.
to be fair to DB, we'll never know whether did she really cheat on CQ or whether was it simply a ruse to spike CQ. what we can be rather sure of, is that she truly loved CQ when she was together. when we arranged a chalet outing for the entire gang, she took great measures to make it run smoothly, getting the stuff etc etc. well although we agreed that logistically it wasn't really perfect, yet the effort she puts in just to please CQ's frens makes it seem more like she's expecting a marriage more than just another romance. being the quinessential kang tang, she also tried to fit into the marlboro gang trying to drop her aussie accent and improve her non-existent profiency in hokkien and mandarin. what we can be sure, is that her somewhat erratic and perhaps extreme behaviour can be attributed to her inner demons, specifically to her traumatic experience. and for that, i do have great sympathy and empathy towards her pain. but unfortunately, being the morally unambiguous lot with a sense of righteousness, the marlboro gang had huge misgivings towards the cheating incident and somewhat 'condemmned' her as a slut etc etc.
now back to LBN. most of the marlboro gang except CQ who was at a uni mate's birthday turned up tonight for soccer. coincidentally, in the middle of the liverpool southampton game, DB too arrived at LBN with her new beau. neither side acknowledged each other's presence. it wasn't really a high tension situation or anything but rather a bochup situation kinda thing. then mutu and bodyguard started making some whispered but audible disparaging remarks about her like 'liverpool sux, you know why are they losing? cos' that slut supports liverpool' and a few equivocal references about a 'smelly chee bye' etc etc. she probably din overheard what mutu and bodyguard said but their look was perhaps antagonistic enuf to send that msg. i wasn't entirely comfortable with the whole thing but i guess it would pretty much be a better idea not for either side to acknowledge each other esp since she's there with her bf, and given mutu and bodyguard's temper, things can indeed potentially turn ugly. out of those present, the only ones present which are arguably less antagonistic towards her are probably me and Ticko Shen since we were overseas when the whole episode between CQ and DB was in play in singapore. besides, DB did offer me and TKS some advice on studying overseas so i guess we do have some gratitude towards her help. and also, perhaps i was one of the few who did not delete her from my msn list, although i dun recall ever chatting to her online before. when i cameout of the rest room which was just a single unisex cubicle, DB was coincentally waiting to use the loo outside. we made some small talk and she appears to be doing fine and is pursuing an external MBA from some US uni, and said how she really wanted to come up and say hi to me and TKS asking us on how we're coping overseas respectively but was reluctant to do so considering the awkardness. all i could say was to wish her well and explain to her our situation and that mutu and bodyguard din mean bad, but it was really just a matter of taking a stand on the account of their friendship with CQ which she completely understands. this was a true reflection of the workings of peer pressure, when no one decides to acknowledge her presence, i just couldn't summon the moral courage to acknowledge the presence of a friend or at the very least that of an acquaintance, until she made the first step. in fact towards the end, before she left LBN, she actually call out my name softly and rather inaudibably which i pretended not to hear until she walked over tapping on my shoulder and said a very brief goodbye before leaving. all i could manage, was an expressionless, tokenistic wave back to her. i am rather ashamed of myself. people make choices, and we just have to live by the consequences of our choice. perhaps she made the choice for a unamicable end to the friendship between CQ and the rest of the gang through the things she said and hence have to live by the consequences of the cold shoulder she receives, and likewise, perhaps i made the choice to follow the crowd even when my conscience hints me otherwise, and i shall live with the consequence of this shame i feel.
now, LBN is one the the favorite hangouts of this cirle of frens, which i shall term the marlboro gang. CQ, a good fren of mine used to bring his ex-gf DB down to LBN to meet up with the rest of the gang. DB is a pretty nice gal, kinda weird but generally accepted by the marlboro gang as a 'sister-in-law' at that point of time so as to speak. CQ and DB knew each other for a long long time, and been through alot together, and by that, it isn't just another cliche and i would dare say that they've been through a lot more than the conventional couple which i will be explaining later on. they knew each other since sec sch and were together for a while before they broke up when she left for oz for studies, but were still pretty much in contact and then patched up somewhere nearing the end of CQ's NS.
To describle DB is weird would somewhat be both an understatement and more pertinently a frivolous statement. she has medically certified depression. firstly, she suffers from low self esteem which is probably attributed to her unhappy experience at her secondary sch, an all gals sch where she was part of the lower academic stream and was subjected to quite alot of bullying. in addition, her low self-esteem somewhat manifested into anorexia during her uni years and it hit the roof when one of her best frens, a fellow bulimic died of anorexia. the worst blow came when DB became a most unfortunate victim of date rape during her 2nd year in uni in oz. it was something that she probably never walked out of as seen in the whole fracas during Bodyguard's (one of our fren) birthday last year where she downed a whole box of panadol and cried unconsolably. throughout all these, CQ stuck with her, visting her when she was warded for observation at the psychiatric ward, pandering to her constant need for reassurance of her being loved etc etc. in fact, CQ went as far as to communicate with her parents, just to make sure that her parents would not be worried about her, which will in turn compound the sense of guilt she perceives. with no other frens in singapore considering DB went over to oz after sec sch and her antagonistic relationship with her sec sch peers, DB depended entirely on CQ for emotional support. the relationship was strained when DB's insecurities heightened when CQ started his 1st yr in university shortly after he ORDed. DB grew increasingly possessive and unstable, and with the pressure CQ faces from sch, he eventually couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her.
well initially it was a somewhat amicable break up. until apparantly she started saying some rather negative things about CQ on her blog, and the coup de grace came when DB revealed to Bodyguard's gf (who in turned told Bodyguard who in turned told CQ) that she cheated on CQ while they were dating and slept with some guy when she went back to oz briefly. on top of that, DB started saying ridiculous things on her blog saying how she murdered her unborn child with CQ (which is highly questionable since CQ swore that he never ventured beyond heavy petting with DB) unknowingly when she downed the panadols and is wallowing over her guilt when she wasn't even pregnant in the first place. the general perception was that she was all out to slime him. they've not been on talking terms ever since. in fact, the entire marlboro gang hasn't been on talking terms with her, deleting her contact from msn.
to be fair to DB, we'll never know whether did she really cheat on CQ or whether was it simply a ruse to spike CQ. what we can be rather sure of, is that she truly loved CQ when she was together. when we arranged a chalet outing for the entire gang, she took great measures to make it run smoothly, getting the stuff etc etc. well although we agreed that logistically it wasn't really perfect, yet the effort she puts in just to please CQ's frens makes it seem more like she's expecting a marriage more than just another romance. being the quinessential kang tang, she also tried to fit into the marlboro gang trying to drop her aussie accent and improve her non-existent profiency in hokkien and mandarin. what we can be sure, is that her somewhat erratic and perhaps extreme behaviour can be attributed to her inner demons, specifically to her traumatic experience. and for that, i do have great sympathy and empathy towards her pain. but unfortunately, being the morally unambiguous lot with a sense of righteousness, the marlboro gang had huge misgivings towards the cheating incident and somewhat 'condemmned' her as a slut etc etc.
now back to LBN. most of the marlboro gang except CQ who was at a uni mate's birthday turned up tonight for soccer. coincidentally, in the middle of the liverpool southampton game, DB too arrived at LBN with her new beau. neither side acknowledged each other's presence. it wasn't really a high tension situation or anything but rather a bochup situation kinda thing. then mutu and bodyguard started making some whispered but audible disparaging remarks about her like 'liverpool sux, you know why are they losing? cos' that slut supports liverpool' and a few equivocal references about a 'smelly chee bye' etc etc. she probably din overheard what mutu and bodyguard said but their look was perhaps antagonistic enuf to send that msg. i wasn't entirely comfortable with the whole thing but i guess it would pretty much be a better idea not for either side to acknowledge each other esp since she's there with her bf, and given mutu and bodyguard's temper, things can indeed potentially turn ugly. out of those present, the only ones present which are arguably less antagonistic towards her are probably me and Ticko Shen since we were overseas when the whole episode between CQ and DB was in play in singapore. besides, DB did offer me and TKS some advice on studying overseas so i guess we do have some gratitude towards her help. and also, perhaps i was one of the few who did not delete her from my msn list, although i dun recall ever chatting to her online before. when i cameout of the rest room which was just a single unisex cubicle, DB was coincentally waiting to use the loo outside. we made some small talk and she appears to be doing fine and is pursuing an external MBA from some US uni, and said how she really wanted to come up and say hi to me and TKS asking us on how we're coping overseas respectively but was reluctant to do so considering the awkardness. all i could say was to wish her well and explain to her our situation and that mutu and bodyguard din mean bad, but it was really just a matter of taking a stand on the account of their friendship with CQ which she completely understands. this was a true reflection of the workings of peer pressure, when no one decides to acknowledge her presence, i just couldn't summon the moral courage to acknowledge the presence of a friend or at the very least that of an acquaintance, until she made the first step. in fact towards the end, before she left LBN, she actually call out my name softly and rather inaudibably which i pretended not to hear until she walked over tapping on my shoulder and said a very brief goodbye before leaving. all i could manage, was an expressionless, tokenistic wave back to her. i am rather ashamed of myself. people make choices, and we just have to live by the consequences of our choice. perhaps she made the choice for a unamicable end to the friendship between CQ and the rest of the gang through the things she said and hence have to live by the consequences of the cold shoulder she receives, and likewise, perhaps i made the choice to follow the crowd even when my conscience hints me otherwise, and i shall live with the consequence of this shame i feel.
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