and if i should fall, i would remember i almost had it all
a semester on, i'm glad to say that i still do not regret my decision to leave my sheltered and pampered life in singapore for an overseas experience in australia. i could only cringe at the thought of what would have been if i threaded the road often travelled - accepting my fate as a material engineering student in ntu, consigning myself to mediocre grades and a lifetime of malcontentment. sure material engineering offers great prospects, but beyond the materiality of material engineering, i do not fancy the thought of spending the final moments of my mortal existence wondering how different this entire journey would have been if i had the courage not venture beyond the concept of the singaporean engineered materialism. i did summon that courage somehow, and for that, regardless of how life turns out, or even should this path lead to a lifetime of mediocrity too, at least i would die a happy man knowing that i did try to pursue my passion once upon a time. 'fly high and grow, and if you should fall, remember you almost had it all'.
i attended what was the last, and perhaps the coolest ever tutorial for the semester today. i turned up for the final political science tutorial of the semester only to find liza (my tutor) leaving a note saying that the tute will be held in the tavern - the pub in the uni guild village. it was a great day, first we got back our UN position paper assignment which i managed to score a high distinction, just barely though. and then i find myself with a Tiger in hand, a cigarette in the other and being part of a discussion on the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction all at the same time. tutes dun get any better...though i must say, that paying $6 for a bottle of Tiger kinda rattled me off a little (it's hard to imagine but Tiger is considered somewhat an exotic imported beer down under) oh well, i guess you immersing oneself in some nostalgia from time to time would hurt would it? besides, i'm after all contributing singapore's balance of trade surplus...
back to the whole exam revision shit. i'm having some serious self-doubts now. while at least i've significantly reduced my level of inertia from JC days, i cannot convince myself that i've done enough consistent work to do well. as it stands, with the exception of macroeconomics, my other subjects are en route for a decent grade judging from the non-examination components of my final grade, stuff like projects, assignments etc. which is why i would feel that for me to screw it all up at the final step would really piss myself off big time. it's like i'm losing steam at the final stretch. i'm losing ground in my battle against the procrastination monster. 10 days, it's do or die. and for all the effort i've put in, one way or another, i wanna live to tell the tale. and i will.
i attended what was the last, and perhaps the coolest ever tutorial for the semester today. i turned up for the final political science tutorial of the semester only to find liza (my tutor) leaving a note saying that the tute will be held in the tavern - the pub in the uni guild village. it was a great day, first we got back our UN position paper assignment which i managed to score a high distinction, just barely though. and then i find myself with a Tiger in hand, a cigarette in the other and being part of a discussion on the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction all at the same time. tutes dun get any better...though i must say, that paying $6 for a bottle of Tiger kinda rattled me off a little (it's hard to imagine but Tiger is considered somewhat an exotic imported beer down under) oh well, i guess you immersing oneself in some nostalgia from time to time would hurt would it? besides, i'm after all contributing singapore's balance of trade surplus...
back to the whole exam revision shit. i'm having some serious self-doubts now. while at least i've significantly reduced my level of inertia from JC days, i cannot convince myself that i've done enough consistent work to do well. as it stands, with the exception of macroeconomics, my other subjects are en route for a decent grade judging from the non-examination components of my final grade, stuff like projects, assignments etc. which is why i would feel that for me to screw it all up at the final step would really piss myself off big time. it's like i'm losing steam at the final stretch. i'm losing ground in my battle against the procrastination monster. 10 days, it's do or die. and for all the effort i've put in, one way or another, i wanna live to tell the tale. and i will.
2 Comments:
First question - What was it that scared you about leaving Singapore?
Second question - What are you reading at uni? I confused. Sounds like APE - accountancy, political science and econs.
First comment - Envy! I never had such cool tutorials in my time or uni!!!
Second comment - My god you sound like a mugger-toad! You sound like one of those must-score-100-marks kind of mugger-toad! Don't be so hard on yourself. Education is not just about the grade you get at the end. It's about the cultivation of the mind. And I must say I've been very impressed.
i left singapore cos' i was only offered materials engineering. to put things in perspective, i got an E for physics for As. engineering is a sure ticket to expulsion.
yeps i'm doing those subjects, and i hope to do a double degree if i have the grades to justify.
haha, the problem is in fact cos' i've not been much of a mugger toad. it's been fairly ok early in the sem but i just sorta lost the steam to carry on after the mid sem break and things just compounded from there. it's not so much the fear of doing badly as compared to the disappointment i think i would feel if i screwed up right at the end.
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