blast from the past

WOO HOO! there's nothing i hate more than to pack up my room, but it's moments like this, when a discovery of a gem from the days of yore makes the wretched task seem less like a chore than like an archaelogical expedition. if you would just take a closer look at the deepest recesses of your codwebbed drawers, you'll actually find that somewhere inside every room lies a miniture time capsule of a part of you that you've left behind a long long time ago.

so anyway, while i was packing my room i came across a printed copy of my PESA speech back in 2001 when i was in JC2. well the PESA or Plain English Speaking Award is simply one of those random toastmastering competitions held by YMCA where each representative from a JC/CI has to deliver a prepared speech on any topic and an impromptu speech on a randomly prescribed topic. I remember blogging about this a couple of months ago when i blogged about star wars episode III, and the reason for the unlikely link between the two was that the subject matter of my prepared speech was in fact about star wars. I thought i lost the speech for good when my old comp died on me, and to find the hard copy is indeed a very pleasant surprise.

because i've become so adept at typing after spending two mind-numbing weeks sitting in front of a comp for 9 1/2 hrs a day 5 days a week; and also becos' i fucking hate packing up my room and would gladly procrastinate on the task at every slightest excuse, i'm gonna type out the entire speech in this post.

here it goes:

“
From the East to the West, from Bollywood to Hollywood, there has never been a more captivating movie series than the Star Wars Saga, which can only be surpassed by its own sequel or perhaps prequel in this case. Unlike many other blockbusters like the Titanic or simply any Leonardo DiCaprio movie for that matter, whose very existence only underlines its claim as a multi-million dollar franchise, the Star Wars saga certainly has much more to offer than just that. From romance to betrayal, from the birth of a prodigy to the death of a tragic hero, Star Wars is indeed the greatest epic the world has ever produced since India came up with the Ramayana.

Any self-respecting movie critic would have to agree that Star Wars has a collation of the styles inherent in many great writers of the 19^th and 20^th centuries. From the portrayal of the angelically innocent young Anakin Skywalker, to the raunchy debaucheries of Jabba the Hutt together with Leia clad only in leather and chains. Star Wars is indeed packed with themes ranging from the likes of the insipid Dr Seuss to the outrageous DH Lawrence. In short, like what they all say, there’s something for everybody.

A proper Star Wars commentary will never be complete without mentioning Master Yoda – the epitome of the light side of the force. At this point of time ladies and gentlemen, there is something that I need to clarify. In case you are thinking that I’m trailing down the dark side by going on to extol on the 1001 suggestive uses of Yoda’s gimmer stick which is also inextricably linked to Yoda’s 1001 methods of self-entertainment on the lonely wetlands of Dagobah. I can assure all you parents out there in the audience that what started off as a Star Wars commentary will stay that way. After all, unlike Yoda, I’m no deviant of any sort!

Now back to the old Jedi master. Yoda may well be the very reason why Star Wars was one of the few Hollywood movies that thrived in the Asian market during the late seventies, most eminently in Japan. A snooty disposition packaged with bad grammar made Yoda an instant household icon in the Far East. The Japanese audience can empathise with the portrayal of Yoda as a venerable ninjatsu master. The Chinese audience sympathise with Yoda’s character, reminiscent of a retired Kung Fu exponent, disillusioned by the lust of power and fame, one who has ultimately chose to live in seclusion. And to most of us Asian males out there, Yoda serves as a beacon of hope [raises hand up sticking-up the forefinger pointing upwards], sending a clear message that proclaims resonantly: THAT SIZE, [looking down at crouch and then at erect forefinger which gradually curls downwards] MATTERS NOT!

Star Wars’ affinity with the Asian culture does not end here. Besides the accented Englished eternalised by Yoda, various references to colloquial terms in Asian languages can be readily found through out the scripts. For example, in the epic duel between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, Vader’s proclamation of his fatherhood to Luke immediately transformed the tension build-up in the scene to that of a dysfunctional family reunion. ‘I’m your father’ were those exact words that did the trick. However, like the various suggestive equivocations mentioned earlier on, many Singaporean linguists believe that those words were in fact intended to serve as a challenge in to Luke Skywalker in order to escalate the tension build-up. To the average Singaporean layman, ‘I’m your father’ is widely perceived as a direct English translation of a proverbial Hokkien phrase that is often used in a derogatory and condescending way often to provoke a party into a confrontation. It is a phrase, which for propriety’s sake that I shan’t mention.

Much as I adore the Star Wars saga, its detractors are equally adamant in their convictions. The biggest criticism they have is that the saga is latent with neo-nazi connotations. Reluctant as I may be, I would have to agree with them. The portrayal of the Empire smacks of the chic of Nazi Germany. The very name of the ‘Stormtroppers’ in the movie, is a blatant reference to the elite force of Hitler’s personal guards bearing the same name. Even Emperor Palpatine is widely believed to be a caricature of Hitler. Like Hitler, he made himself the supreme leader after usurping power. Like Hitler, the Emperor also committed genocide as portrayed in the massacre of the Ewoks. After all, since when have you seen a non-white officer of the Empire?

I could go on and on about this magnificent epic, if not for the red light shining ominously there. If there’s any movie deserving of a place in a time capsule for the next millennium, it definitely belongs to the Star Wars series.
"

well as it turned out, for some reason, the humour didn't work out, and most of the audience didn't exactly found my speech very funny save for a few fellow JC students while the judges from the various community centre toastmasters clubs kinda gave the stoned look, plus the fact that i gave a totally fucked up impromptu speech on topic about 'whether china should host the olympics games', it was no surprise that i din make it to the next round. as it turns out, i think it was Lydia, Sow Chen's old scandal from VJC who emerged champion eventually.

ok, to spare my ears from nagging, really must clean the room now. nabeh.

A Happy Lunar New Year to everyone.

of blood and bones

i received some rather bad news today.

i started the afternoon planning spend what's left of my effective vacation watching Blood and Bones before i start work tomorrow. and on my way to cineleisure, i received an SMS from someone's who's apparantly not on my phonebook informing me that his/her father passed away this morning and provided the details for the wake arrangements. now u see, the number shown on my handphone was +659300XXXX so the person texting me could conceivably still be on my phonebook with his/her no being entered without the +65. So i scanned through my entire phonebook looking for people bearing that number but to no avail, so i replied to the message with sending my condolences and asking who it was. strangely, the number was not in use. so i went to cineleisure to collect my pre-booked tics. it wasn't until just before i entered the cinema did it hit upon me that the person who sent the SMS might in fact have used someone else's HP to inform his friends of the bereavement. so i decided to drop a call to Apocalips, a close friend of mine whose dad was terminally ill with colon cancer to check.

as it turns out, it was indeed him who sent the SMS. now this is the really weird part: Apocalips' number is 9388XXXX, but the sms showed the sender's number to be 9300XXXX. and it certainly wasn't a display error cos' i used the details from the SMS to call the sender which was indeed 9300XXXX. An error on the part of the service provider was perhaps the most likely explanation though it certainly feels kinda freaky given the nature of the message. Over the phone, Apocalips' sounded like he was trying overly hard to downplay the entire event by trying to sound indifferent while he related to me that his father committed suicide at home. it does was quite a shock for me, cos' i've actually met his father a couple of times when i went to his place. i wanted to give up the movie to meet him immediately but he was reluctant and tried to reassure me that he's fine and insisted that he wanted to be alone. and so i went on with the movie, feeling rather guilty about not rushing to meet him immediately and thus failing as a friend. there couldn't have been a better emotional build-up to that movie, which was coincidentally about an estranged family relationship centrering around Takeshi Kitano who plays an ultra-abusive father. I probably shouldn't describe too much on the movie, but all i can say is that it came across as a somewhat misogynistic flick depicting the typical Kitano-esque violence being inflicted on the various women who crossed paths with his character.

It was almost an allegory of Apocalips' relationship with his father. From what i knew, Apocalips had a rather estranged relationship with his dad as well, and it all started when his dad had a relationship with his maid when he was younger, and being the favourite son, Apocalips bore the brunt of the resentment his elder sister held against his father who took it out on Apocalips (A), verbally and even physically abusing him at times. And as he grew up, A too felt a sense of resentment towards his father to which his father retaliated with a whole barrage of condescension such as telling him to forget about a university education which will be wasted on him even when he clearly had the grades to qualify into a decent university.

After the movie, i called up A and insisted that i must pay him a visit and so i dropped by his place. A greeted me at the door and he seemed as though he was putting up a strong front speaking with a tinge of jaded indifference. I met his mother and his brother -who was playing DoTA in his room- and offered my condolences. I really didn't know what to say, except to tell him that his father is finally alleviated from his mortal suffering and that was at least something he should be happy about for his dad who was plagued by the immense pain from his cancer which spreaded to his liver and bladder. According to A, it wasn't the demise per se, as much as the manner which his father chose to end that was really traumatising. Apparantly, his father's condition had deterioriated significantly over the past few weeks and that he spoke sporadically about thoughts to end his life and alleviate the family from the burden of caring for him before becoming bedridden, which would have been an eventuality had he not committed suicide. A and family were rather concerned and so they actually took precaution by hiding the toxic stuff and locking up the doors and windows to prevent him from attempting suicide. But who would have guessed that he chose to hang himself off the vent at the store room instead. It must have been terribly traumatising for A's mom who was the first to discover the body when she woke up in the morning. As A describes, more than the demise itself, it was the terrible sight of seeing his father hanging there, that sense of helplessness that really saddened him.

If there was any consolation, A did somewhat reconcile with his father in the months preceding his death. He told me how they actually bonded by betting on EPL matches or how his father was on a roll winning money for the past few matches when he placed bets for his dad on Live Betting. He then jokingly related how just the previous night, his father wanted to place his bet on Man Utd for the Manchester derby and how fortunate it was that he didn't place the bet for his dad. In his own words ' 幸亏没帮他买.要不然连生命的最后一场赌注也输了...' It was perhaps a reference to his dad's previous investment losses which forced them to sell off their old apartment before it could go en bloc to settle his debts and medical expenses. A tried to steer the conversation into a more light hearted one, relating the cute aspects of his father such as when he insisted on drinking bottled bird's nest, or unagi soup even when he couldn't finish them all or how his family wanted to celebrate his birthday which was lamentedly tomorrow by buying him him red eggs and mee sua for breakfast. A laughed at himself relating these little mundane facts about his dad. And for the first time, i've saw someone, weeping in laughter. 笑着流泪.

it was an extremely heartwrenching sight.

it must have been a huge relief for him to pour out his tears instead of putting up the strong front which he must have felt pressured to upkeep in light of the indifference of his brother and mother.

so after that we went down the block to go to the coffeeshop. as we were walking around the estate, there's this fucking bitch who apparantly lives in A's block who walked towards our direction. Apparantly, according to A, that bitch saw the coroners going up the lift to the 12th storey and kinda knew what happened and she made no effort to disguise her intention of shielding her son and avoiding A as though he's some pariah while staring at him as though he's cursed or something. A reckons that the news probably would have spread around the block since the uncles whom he plays chess with downstairs were staring at him too.

Fucking brainless bitches. It's this sorta village kaypohs that make community living such a chore. and it's these gossip leaches that created institutions like Lianhe Wanbao or Xinmin Daily which make a living out off feeding the collective curiosities of these kaypoh cunts and providing a job for half-fucked dregs of the journalism circuit who would have otherwise have difficulty finding employment if not for their knack at becoming parparrazzi and drawing news -not outta celebrities mind you- from the next random person who flashes at his neighbour at home, or the next vegetable wholesaler cum paedophille who claims to have had consesual bondage with kids and din murder them. Good lord! Those conniving bastards actually created a whole FUCKING INDUSTRY outta gossipping.

ok. anyway, i really gotta stop here. first day at work tomorrow, mustn't be late. and i'll be going for the wake tomorrow too. and i just have to find out someway to inform the other bitch who changed her HP number and teaches at North Vista sec. i'll call her staff room if i have to.....

before that interview

i've finally overcome my inertia to update this blog. why? cos' i would consider today to be a minor milestone in my life. for i'll be having my first formal job interview later today. either i get the job, which will give me ample reason not to sit on my lazy ass all day long, or i would simply spend what remains of my vacation procrastinating in wasteful abandonment of time. neither seems too bad an alternative to spend the next month or so, which is why i'm not awfully concerned about getting that job except the fact that i really need something to bolster the atrocious academic section on my CV if i bear any desire to get a quasi-decent job. Arggh, i would hate to imagine how life would be like after graduation.

met up with LMD on monday for a couple of drinks @ the alleybar. having not met her for almost 6 months, she does indeed look alot better after her operation and even her complexion seems pretty good now - a fact which she proudly attributes to her quitting smoking. you know, it really isn't very convincing when they have someone like xiaxue who's probably never had the habit before to be the anti-smoking ambassador. the LMD now, (which i suspect would be soon be a more apt acroynm for Little Miss Drinkalittle) would be the perfect poster girl, the prodigal daughter who should front all the anti-smoking, anti-alcoholism or just about any other random anti-vice campaigns. all cos' she's da street-credibility.

anway, LMD was gracious enough to invite me over to her friend's place for what was supposed to be 'quiet drinks'. who would have guessed that we ended up finishing the entire 1 litre bottle of vodka between the 6 of us by the end of the night. it was probably my first time hanging around a group of yuppies and i must say it was a highly informative and enjoyble experience. it's amazing how alcohol seems to trigger a zeal for learning for it was that night, that we all learnt that a 'goat' could also mean 'a very lecherous man', or the differences that stem between mutton, lamb and sheep. yet another shining example of how primary education in singapore has failed us. it wasn't that intimidating as i would have imagined yuppie gatherings to be. no esoteric discussions on some obscure stock or what not, no, except perhaps if you consider add a commentary to what's on tv while putting it on mute to be an extradinarily act. more than anything, i has shown me how we don't really lose our sense of humour even when we start work. and it certain makes what lie beyond graduation look alot less intimidating.


and so, thanks to glenfiddich and the grey goose, i woke up at 2 yesterday, which inexplicably pissed off my grandmother who gave me a barrage of cantonese curses all scolding me for being the sloth that i am. then it was the family stuff, attending my niece, ashley's 5th birthday celebration. for some reason, whenever it's one kid's birthday, there seems to be a unspoken code in which the other kids will also share the limelight and cut the cake together with the birthday kid which i suspect is an ingenious ploy conceived by parents to avoid pangs jealousy from the non-birthday kids. yet it's far from a perfect solution, as a fight almost broke up between ashley and her feisty little cousin, and my favourite niece, claudia who's just four this year. apparantly, claudia was standing beside ashley when she was cutting her cake and ashley started shouting and accused claudia of blowing her candles when she's the birthday girl, to which claudia screamed and protested her innonence and started banging the table. and god knows what happened, moments later, they're all friends again, hugging together, taking photos. kids are weird. they fight and they forget. incidently, a similar event happened last CNY at my place where much to the horror of Tom who was there too, Claudia tried to push Ashley down the stairs. This whole cousin rivalry thing is really funny considering that it's somewhat an extension of the sibling rivalry between Cassandra (my godsister/cousin and Claudia's mum) who used to bully her elder sister Sharon (who's Ashley's mum). anyway, violent tendencies and上一代的恩恩怨怨 aside, they're really really cute, and i think i'm going post some of their recent photos on my blog. here's one from sometime ago.


from left: Ashley, Me and Claudia.

I probably don't have time to blog about the rest of the evening cos' i gotta get shaved and prepared for that interview. Yeah, i have to get shaved. i just look so wrong in that photo.....
till next time. tata.