blast from the past

WOO HOO! there's nothing i hate more than to pack up my room, but it's moments like this, when a discovery of a gem from the days of yore makes the wretched task seem less like a chore than like an archaelogical expedition. if you would just take a closer look at the deepest recesses of your codwebbed drawers, you'll actually find that somewhere inside every room lies a miniture time capsule of a part of you that you've left behind a long long time ago.

so anyway, while i was packing my room i came across a printed copy of my PESA speech back in 2001 when i was in JC2. well the PESA or Plain English Speaking Award is simply one of those random toastmastering competitions held by YMCA where each representative from a JC/CI has to deliver a prepared speech on any topic and an impromptu speech on a randomly prescribed topic. I remember blogging about this a couple of months ago when i blogged about star wars episode III, and the reason for the unlikely link between the two was that the subject matter of my prepared speech was in fact about star wars. I thought i lost the speech for good when my old comp died on me, and to find the hard copy is indeed a very pleasant surprise.

because i've become so adept at typing after spending two mind-numbing weeks sitting in front of a comp for 9 1/2 hrs a day 5 days a week; and also becos' i fucking hate packing up my room and would gladly procrastinate on the task at every slightest excuse, i'm gonna type out the entire speech in this post.

here it goes:

“
From the East to the West, from Bollywood to Hollywood, there has never been a more captivating movie series than the Star Wars Saga, which can only be surpassed by its own sequel or perhaps prequel in this case. Unlike many other blockbusters like the Titanic or simply any Leonardo DiCaprio movie for that matter, whose very existence only underlines its claim as a multi-million dollar franchise, the Star Wars saga certainly has much more to offer than just that. From romance to betrayal, from the birth of a prodigy to the death of a tragic hero, Star Wars is indeed the greatest epic the world has ever produced since India came up with the Ramayana.

Any self-respecting movie critic would have to agree that Star Wars has a collation of the styles inherent in many great writers of the 19^th and 20^th centuries. From the portrayal of the angelically innocent young Anakin Skywalker, to the raunchy debaucheries of Jabba the Hutt together with Leia clad only in leather and chains. Star Wars is indeed packed with themes ranging from the likes of the insipid Dr Seuss to the outrageous DH Lawrence. In short, like what they all say, there’s something for everybody.

A proper Star Wars commentary will never be complete without mentioning Master Yoda – the epitome of the light side of the force. At this point of time ladies and gentlemen, there is something that I need to clarify. In case you are thinking that I’m trailing down the dark side by going on to extol on the 1001 suggestive uses of Yoda’s gimmer stick which is also inextricably linked to Yoda’s 1001 methods of self-entertainment on the lonely wetlands of Dagobah. I can assure all you parents out there in the audience that what started off as a Star Wars commentary will stay that way. After all, unlike Yoda, I’m no deviant of any sort!

Now back to the old Jedi master. Yoda may well be the very reason why Star Wars was one of the few Hollywood movies that thrived in the Asian market during the late seventies, most eminently in Japan. A snooty disposition packaged with bad grammar made Yoda an instant household icon in the Far East. The Japanese audience can empathise with the portrayal of Yoda as a venerable ninjatsu master. The Chinese audience sympathise with Yoda’s character, reminiscent of a retired Kung Fu exponent, disillusioned by the lust of power and fame, one who has ultimately chose to live in seclusion. And to most of us Asian males out there, Yoda serves as a beacon of hope [raises hand up sticking-up the forefinger pointing upwards], sending a clear message that proclaims resonantly: THAT SIZE, [looking down at crouch and then at erect forefinger which gradually curls downwards] MATTERS NOT!

Star Wars’ affinity with the Asian culture does not end here. Besides the accented Englished eternalised by Yoda, various references to colloquial terms in Asian languages can be readily found through out the scripts. For example, in the epic duel between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, Vader’s proclamation of his fatherhood to Luke immediately transformed the tension build-up in the scene to that of a dysfunctional family reunion. ‘I’m your father’ were those exact words that did the trick. However, like the various suggestive equivocations mentioned earlier on, many Singaporean linguists believe that those words were in fact intended to serve as a challenge in to Luke Skywalker in order to escalate the tension build-up. To the average Singaporean layman, ‘I’m your father’ is widely perceived as a direct English translation of a proverbial Hokkien phrase that is often used in a derogatory and condescending way often to provoke a party into a confrontation. It is a phrase, which for propriety’s sake that I shan’t mention.

Much as I adore the Star Wars saga, its detractors are equally adamant in their convictions. The biggest criticism they have is that the saga is latent with neo-nazi connotations. Reluctant as I may be, I would have to agree with them. The portrayal of the Empire smacks of the chic of Nazi Germany. The very name of the ‘Stormtroppers’ in the movie, is a blatant reference to the elite force of Hitler’s personal guards bearing the same name. Even Emperor Palpatine is widely believed to be a caricature of Hitler. Like Hitler, he made himself the supreme leader after usurping power. Like Hitler, the Emperor also committed genocide as portrayed in the massacre of the Ewoks. After all, since when have you seen a non-white officer of the Empire?

I could go on and on about this magnificent epic, if not for the red light shining ominously there. If there’s any movie deserving of a place in a time capsule for the next millennium, it definitely belongs to the Star Wars series.
"

well as it turned out, for some reason, the humour didn't work out, and most of the audience didn't exactly found my speech very funny save for a few fellow JC students while the judges from the various community centre toastmasters clubs kinda gave the stoned look, plus the fact that i gave a totally fucked up impromptu speech on topic about 'whether china should host the olympics games', it was no surprise that i din make it to the next round. as it turns out, i think it was Lydia, Sow Chen's old scandal from VJC who emerged champion eventually.

ok, to spare my ears from nagging, really must clean the room now. nabeh.

A Happy Lunar New Year to everyone.